Fuck Perfectionism: You Are Not Required to be a Perfect Polyamory Ambassador

"I've never seen a poly relationship work"

"It's only ever about sex"

"It's just a phase - someday you'll be ready for a committed relationship"

"If you still experience jealousy, why not just be monogamous?"

There is little point in trying to appease anyone uninterested in being genuinely curious about you.

It is not your job to put on a display of perfection because bad faith detractors will always move the goal posts.

It doesn't matter if your polyam relationships have lasted longer. It doesn't matter if you communicate with transparency and compassion and are able to move through conflict with mutual respect. It doesn't matter if you're happier and freer than you've ever been in your life...

In the eyes of bad faith detractors, you are not allowed to just be human (this isn't even going into the implications of when this is compounded with other marginalized identities because that's a whole post on its own)

Bad faith interrogators are different from critics who aren’t yet informed but are open to learning. A key difference is that the latter party actually respect who you are as an autonomous being.

Pick your battles. Invest in those who truly seek to know you. Identify and raise firm boundaries. (Sometimes this can look like being closeted in some spaces, like work or family gatherings - you are no less valid in your identity)

Final notes:

While you don’t have to be perfect, if you ignore/dismiss the intersections between politics and interpersonal relationships, I will judge you for that.

Thank you for reading and let’s help one another dismantle the barriers that prevent the most marginalized of us to live our best lives.