Are Your Relationships Serving You or Are You Serving the Idea of these Relationships?

Pre-existing scripts and cultural norms help us figure out what to do with our lives even when we do not have the lived experience. Instead of potentially reinventing the wheel at every decision point, we can look at what the culture has aggregated and calculated.

We can look to others to see what seems to be working - though often we mistake what is "popular" for what "works best."

(See: posts on the Relationship Escalator)

Whether you're monogamous or non-monogamous, it's worth reflecting on why you're in the relationships you're in - this includes romantic, sexual, platonic, work-related, and familial connections, as well as systemic, structural ones.

Intentionality is foundational to having fulfilling relationships - whether to sustain them, to let them go, or to know when to change the terms and boundaries.

Are you in these relationships because it's what's expected of you or because they actively contribute to your life and you enjoy contributing back?

One question that helps me frame many of my life decisions these days:

Who does this serve?

And once I know the answer - do I actually want to contribute to or participate in that?

Note:

It's important to emphasize that I don't mean to imply you should have a relationship firesale ("EVERTHING MUST GO") and immediately discard every dynamic that doesn't make you 100% happy. Sometimes we can't completely avoid  unsatisfactory structures / situations.

What we can do is shift toward modes of thinking and acting and organizing that help maximize what's sustainable for us and those around us and minimize the harmful and the uncomfortable.