What Do You Call Your Flavor of Non-monogamy?

There are so, so many ways to practice non-monogamy - and so many labels out there to help describe what you practice.

Labels can be extremely valuable tools for figuring out who you are and what you like or don't like. However, non-monogamy is a wide spectrum, so discrete labels don't always fit every structure or dynamic neatly. It's always good to clarify rather than assume. 

These are some terms you can use or you may encounter. You'll see me use words like "usually" and "tend to" because, again, these labels aren't concrete. Don't treat these as Merriam Webster definitions. Look at them as broad picture descriptions - taken from non-monogamy resources and personal experience.

"Non-monogamous" is the umbrella term for practicing relationships that are not sexually and/or romantically exclusive. Commonly stated as "ethical l" or "consensual non-monogamy" to differentiate from cheating - though I believe the "ethical/consensual" part isn't as important to explicitize as it's becoming more and more the obvious given it should be.

"Swingers" tend to be couples who are romantically monogamous, but have sexual fun with others, either separately or together.

"Open" is usually used by couples who have agreed to allow one or both parties to engage in sexual/romantic relations outside the couple. Very broad term.

"Monogamish" is more often used by couples rather than single or solo people. A relationship that includes some degree of non-monogamy but isn't quite as open or on the table. 

"Polyamorous" is sometimes used as an umbrella term on the same level as "non-monogamous." However, it's more often used when relationships include a romantic/emotional aspect, not just sexual (i.e. would include "open" but not necessarily "swingers"). Used broadly enough that it ranges from "don't ask, don't tell" policies to "kitchen table polyamory"

To reiterate: if you're truly curious, ask. Non-monogamy doesn't have the acceptance or the widely accessible resources and road maps that monogamy has. Because of this, people have had to piece together old and new language to explain their relationships. While there are patterns, everyone's non-monogamy is a little different. Sometimes labels stick, sometimes they change. You'll find (or create!) the ones that work best for you.