Beware of Polyamory Burnout
(Psst: It's not a competition)
Beware of polyamory burnout - of course it's important to do the work, but it's not worth it if you're too tired to reap the benefits of your efforts at the end of the day.
There is a stereotype that polyam folks talk the shit out of their relationships. In my experience that's actually pretty accurate, especially for longer-term connections and during relationship transitions.
Exploring non-monogamy, expanding your ideas around relating, questioning social norms, unlearning detrimental narratives and practices - none of that is easy!
All relationships require work. I've seen and heard of so many people eager to dive into the non-monogamy homework. They're consuming all the resources they can, talking to their partner(s) all the time to hash out boundaries and tackle insecurities and poke at their traumas and get into their feelings.
This can be awesome. Being committed to exploring and putting in effort are crucial, but this is not sustainable when done at a breakneck pace.
Pushing yourself or your partner(s) too hard too fast can result in resentment, emotional fatigue, lack of safety. Unpacking decades of mononormative programming takes time.
I know how thrilling exploring the wondrous possibilities of non-monogamy can be. It's so tempting to latch onto the excitement and try to blast through your homework as quickly (and as intensely) as possible. I'm still often impatient about my own growth - "why can't I be fully healed and 100% awesome at polyamory (and life) already???"
You have time. The main point of this work - of this journey - is to able to create and sustain more enjoyable, fulfilling relationships (with others and with yourself).
Relationship work and healing can be grueling, but if you're never enjoying yourself, then what's the point?
Remember to have compassion and patience for yourself on your journey - which I know is easier said than done. And please don't forget to have fun and celebrate joy and pleasure whenever possible along the way.
