I Love Dating People Who Have Nesting Partners, But Sometimes It’s A Bummer
Nesting Partner: Partner you live with and likely share bills with - can be a "primary partner," but not necessarily
Anchor Partner: Partner you probably have logistical ties with, most likely live with, perhaps have the deepest or longest term emotional ties with - sometimes called "primary partner"
Note: Both have been used as alternatives to "primary partner," sometimes to get away from hierarchical language. Some people use these interchangeably with "primary partner." When it doubt, always best to ask for clarification.
As a solo polyamorist (with avoidant attachment) who loves going about much of my day-to-day life on my own, I've found that my most stable, longest term relationships are with people who already have live-in partners / spouses.
At this time in my life, I cannot handle being someone's sole and primary source of emotional support. I struggle enough with regulating myself.
This works great for me because I can show up with the emotional capacity I'm capable of mustering at this time in my life without feeling overly worried that my partners will not be cared for. My wish is to continue to increase my capacity over time so that I can show up more and more, but for now this is where I'm at. It's a continuous and sometimes bumpy journey accepting both truths at the same time.
However... this also requires that I take more responsibility in being proactive when it comes to my social and emotional needs.
When I drop the ball with my social schedule or when a bout of depression arises, it can sometimes feel lonely being the one without a nesting partner.
Access to intimacy (as it is currently structured in my life) often requires a couple more steps.
The solo polyam life, for me, is still much more preferable to living with any partners.
But sometimes... sometimes I miss waking up to a latte next to my bed or being able to request a hug and a kiss at a moment's notice.
Sometimes I miss coming home to someone making dinner who's also ready to Netflix and chill later that evening.
Sometimes I miss sliding into the same bed with someone night after night.
Who knows what my needs will be in the future? What will help fill my cup as I continue on the path of authenticity and liberation? I can do my best to predict and prepare while also doing my best to cherish the moment. For now, solo living, smart scheduling, and checking in with myself regularly allows me to live my best life.
