Rethinking “Progress” and the Relationship Escalator (Part 2)

(Click here for Part 1)

I love educating on scarcity vs abundance mindset and I try to create reflective containers and provide actionable personal steps we can take to build more of the relationships we want.

However, it would be irresponsible to not address larger structures at play.

Providing guiding questions without acknowledging distinct barriers is no better than encouraging people to lift themselves up by their bootstraps.

Reminder: By the time many people encounter non-monogamy or other alternative relationship structures, we literally have decades of mononormative programming to sift through.

So when someone finds it difficult to transition away from the relationship escalator, we should see this less as an individual failing and more an indication of how deeply entrenched we are in the tendrils of structures that feed off of and uphold compulsory monogamy, scarcity mentality, capitalism, etc.

Examining and radically changing the way we do relationships can be mentally and emotionally taxing.

And when we're kept busy juggling jobs, worrying about putting food on the table, paying rent, and a myriad of other obligations, it can be hard enough to find the time, energy, and resources to find just one compatible person to be in intimate community with - much less two or more.

Monogamy is streamlined. The path of least resistance. It's accepted, promoted, and made "easier" through institutions, broader media representation, laws, tax breaks.

Marriage or domestic partnership (and even parenthood) is primarily between 2 people.

We're shuffled through the ark two by two.

This is why broader awareness and education of concepts like the relationship escalator is important.

How can we liberate ourselves and step off if we don't even know we're riding?

How can we encourage or help others to do so if they also are unaware?

This is all to say - yes, it's hard work.

Actively constructing intentional relationships can contribute to deep (personal and community) healing and can help make many aspects of life easier, but not everyone has access to the time and resources to trek over the crest and be able to execute their ideal fully customized relationship structures.

Stepping off the relationship escalator and questioning compulsory monogamy involves personal, tangible action, but it also requires mindset change, as well as systemic shifts.

So remember to have compassion for yourself and for others as we try to eke out what happiness and fulfillment we can get out of this life.