“Going With the Flow” vs Poor Communication

Are they "going with the flow" or do they actually suck at communicating expectations?

No rules, baby! There are some who come into non-monogamy believing they've rid themselves of the ol' ball and chain of monogamy and are now allowed to freely frolic through this wonderful Mad Max world of hedonism and no bedtimes.

Some of these folks will describe themselves as being "go with the flow" types. They're not interested in discussions about expectations. They may bristle at boundaries, viewing them as restrictions on their own freedom.

Many will never blatantly violate your boundaries, but may leave you feeling a little empty when they're done having fun with you.

Some stalk like a wolf in sheep's clothing, masking their refusal to accept responsibility as being simply "polyamorous" and "carefree."

Non-monogamy is not a free-for-all.

It can be a way to liberate the self from relational conventions that do not help you thrive. And it is understandable that people new to non-monogamy may want to stretch out, spread their wings and experiment in the newfound space. Many of us have over-hastily flown toward the tantalizing beauty of the sun with wax wings.

We all make mistakes.

Many people who try the "go with the flow" free-for-all strategy soon find the limits of this route. It's hard to vibe with someone long-term if you never talk about expectations or have check-ins here and there.

Some do so out of pure ignorance. Some out of intentional selfish. Some learn, some don't.

Also, to clarify, if you are open to check-ins, communicating about what page you're on, going with the flow can be perfectly viable.

Stepping off the relationship escalator often means taking the responsibility to write your own script and perhaps allow others to collaborate with you.

Being curious about what you and what your relationships are capable of can be a highly beneficial trait in helping you continue to seek out more of what you want and to leave behind more of what you don't want.

There are responsible ways to forge our own paths. We can embrace our autonomy and acknowledge the autonomy of others at the same time. And if you want other people to join you, no matter how briefly, you're going to have to be open to learning what their paths look like, too.