Non-Monogamy Isn't Better or Worse Than Monogamy

Non-monogamy isn't any better or worse than monogamy. But it should be seen and cultivated as more of an option than it currently is.

As a non-monogamous advocate/educator/enthusiastic participant, whatever you'd like to call me, I don't believe in "converting" monogs into non-monogs. That doesn't interest me in the slightest. What I do and what most other non-monogamy accounts do is help more people realize that monogamy isn't the one right way to cultivate meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

None of us should have to feel pressured to step onto the relationship escalator with "the one" and do the marriage thing and have kids and construct that white picket fence life. There's nothing wrong with wanting that, but it should be more widely acknowledged and accepted that that isn't what everyone wants. Relationship styles are wildly, fantastically diverse and one size does not fit all.

At this point, monogamy is still the more widely convenient option.

It has the most scripts people can follow, the most representation we can use to help model ourselves after - in movies, books, shows, songs, the relationships around us. Also, with our 40+ hour work weeks, life obligations, and often limited resources, dating one person at a time can be difficult enough. Logistically, non-monogamy isn't a viable option for many people and it's a shame.

And I'm not just addressing white, neurotypical, able-bodied folks. Everyone should have the option to explore and thrive in non-monogamous relationships. In addition to the bare logistics ("polygistics," as I half-jokingly call it), there's still so much denigration and stigma of anything that deviates from the norm.

Because of this, it's not enough to simply say "oh, non-monogamy and monogamy are equally valid." We have to work more intentionally to actually help create more welcoming, accepting environments, seek out and amplify marginalized representation, and continue to educate ourselves and be open to the vast array of relationship styles out there.

In conclusion: Non-monogamy isn't more natural. It isn't inherently superior. It also is not the one right way. But it is an option for many and should be an option for more. Hopefully if you're reading this, you're affirmed in wanting to pursue having consensual relationships with more than one person at a time if you want. And if it's not for you, you can continue to spread this acceptance, as well.