As a Non-monogamous Person... Do You Date Monogamous People?
If you're non-monogamous, would/do you date monogamous people?
I know a lot you fellow non-monogs can relate to dating monogs - for better and worse.
I've always been open to dating monogamous folks, though it doesn't often happen. As a slut by orientation, the philosophical/cultural divide is often too wide a gulf. To many of the romantically monogamous, sexual promiscuity is seen as less mature, merely a medium through which you might slog to get to emotional/sexual exclusivity, "settling down."
Every so often, I meet someone who is ultimately monog, but is respectful and does not see non-monogamy as less valid. The connection is more casual but still mutually fun and even meaningful at times. As a demiromantic, it's easy to keep it breezy with compatible enough folks.
Is it inherently immature or unhealthy to enjoy "lower commitment" connections in addition to deeper ones? Of course not.
I connected with a guy off Feeld a couple of months ago and we hit it off. Very early on in texts, we established that I was strictly non-monogamous and that, while he was in his self-proclaimed "slut phase" (he took a particular shine to "slut4slut" in my profile) he was ultimately looking to be monogamous with someone.
He didn't recoil when I would mentioned other partners. He didn't try to argue that I was going to eventually just "settle down". He even admitted he was slightly intimidated by how much and the kinds of sexual experiences I've had, but he took the opportunity to learn rather than get insecure.
And then it happened: he found someone who wanted to go exclusive with him. The hilarious thing is the fact we'd only had sex twice but it was so damn good and I feel like I got to just have an agonizingly scrumptious sample when I thought I would have more time to enjoy more bites before the meal was whisked away - spoon still in hand!
C'est la vie! I have no regrets & it's all part of the rich tapestry of non-monogamy. There are pros & cons like everything else. To some, it can be worth it. To others, it just causes heartache. As long as expectations are clear, respect and pleasure are mutual, why not take and savor the bite?
“‘tis better to have f*cked and lost than to have never f*cked at all”
- from a conversation with a metamour
Side note: As a solo polyamorous person, being romantically compatible with a monog person is highly unlikely for me, but mono-poly relationships can and do exist and thrive! It can be hard, sure, but is it really so outrageous to believe someone can be happy being romantically/sexually attached to one person without it being exclusive on both sides? Relationships can be so expansive!
