Polyamorous & Introverted: How It Works (Or Doesn’t)
A common misconception of polyamory is that all of its practitioners are like slutty Labrador puppies, insatiably hopping from partner to partner.
While this is part of the non-monogamy spectrum - hey, nothing wrong with New Retriever Energy - it's so much more diverse and you don't have to be a social butterfly to have fulfilling polyam relationships.
As an introvert, solo polyamory works great for me because I always have my own dedicated space away from partners where I don't have to exercise my social brain.
Just like physical exercise, socializing can be highly stimulating and rewarding for me but it can also be exhausting and I sometimes resent it.
Here's a cross section of what my introverted polyamory can look like:
YAY🎉
Dating is one of my favorite hobbies (pre-COVID, of course). I crave a diversity of personalities and life stories and dynamics and I'm a big fan of NRE, especially if it can turn into longer connections.
HICCUP😅
A group polyam meetup event where I don't know anyone and I have to strike up and sustain conversation? That's a big "No, thank you" for me and I've admittedly backed out of more local events last-minute than I've attended.
YAY🎉
I can pass off my partners to a meta so that I can have quality Me Time without feeling like my partner is missing out on quality Together Time. Of course, this is predicated on the partner having other partners.
HICCUP😅
If a partner does not have other partners and solely relies on me as their emotional primary, I can easily get overwhelmed. (And that's on avoidant attachment, which isn't exclusive to introverts.)
YAY🎉
Dates with both new and established partners can be invigorating and the exact opposite of draining, especially if I remember to balance that with time away for me and my brain to simmer down from these social workouts.
HICCUP😅
I can forget to carve out time and space to recharge. Perhaps one partner will get the short end of the stick because I ran out of juice while with another partner.
YAY🎉
Multiple people can share the task of helping fulfill my needs to help me refuel. It doesn't have to fall on one person to balance simultaneously giving me space and giving me the physical and/or emotional comfort I need.
HICCUP😅
There really isn't a hiccup with this one. It's pretty damn rad.
I feel like I could write a series on Introversion and Polyamory - there's so much more that can be said! And much more that can be broken down regarding what introvert and extrovert really mean and breaking down stereotypes and arbitrary values between the two within the context of non-monogamy.
