Solo Polyamory in the Time of Covid

Fellow solo polyams (and single polyams)… How are you holding up?

In practicing solo polyamory, I made the choice to not nest with any partners. I "nested" with a guy for 3 out of 5 years of our bad relationship and to sum up: I'm jaded and burnt from that experience and I've also come to terms with the fact I really really like a lot of alone time. So not living with partners works for me and a lot of other polyams.

But we couldn't have anticipated a pandemic. Reasonably, never did we think we'd have to abruptly cut off physical interactions to protect ourselves and others. We can't as easily top ourselves off with in-person interactions anymore. These relationships have become long distance.

I wrote about how real the pain of touch starvation is last week and, while it ebbs and flows with each day, I'm definitely still feeling the pangs of hunger. And I know it can be especially hard for many folks who are single or whose partners have nesting partners. Feelings of jealousy or envy may arise and increase feelings of isolation and even anger.

[Important to remember: Your feelings are valid. It's understandable to react in these ways. And while it can't fill the void, please remember to have compassion for yourself. These are especially challenging times and I'm not going to pretend to be purely positive about this whole situation. But I see you. This is tough.]

I don't live with partners. And personally, while it would be nice to snuggle with someone some of these nights, I know I would prefer this to being quarantined longterm with a partner.

As much as skin hunger sucks, I value my quality Me time that much more. That doesn't mean I'm immune to denial. It doesn't mean I won't slip down a depression spiral. It doesn't mean I won't spontaneously start weeping openly in front of a partner during a virtual date, wiping my snot away like a 5 year old on my oversized sweater sleeves before relenting and grabbing a shit ton of tissues. 

Being solo polyamorous in conjunction with being an introvert means I need to carve out respective times for solitude and togetherness. This is why I’ve made it homework of sorts to be more active and conscious about infusing the “social” into my social distancing - texting, phone calls, virtual dates and hangouts, etc.

I've scheduled time to watch movies, play online games, do art sessions, and just shoot the shit with friends and loved ones via video calls. It's time to get creative and leverage technology to bring us all closer!