No, I’m Not Flattered By Your Yellow Fever

CW: Racism

"I've never been with an asian before lol” 

"I've always wanted to be with an asian"

"Hey asian cutie, you into white guys?"

"Are you into race play?"

I'd bet good money the majority of Asian women on dating apps have encountered variations of these openers, if not these exact lines. (Sampled directly from my inboxes.)

People who have "racial preferences" will often defend themselves by asserting it's no different from preferring brunettes or tall folks or people with beards. They'll claim it's a compliment that they want to "love" and copulate with this whole group of people who vaguely look like you. 

My race is not your fucking fetish. 

What Asian fetishists fail to realize - or willfully ignore - is that having a racial preference is a non-consensual act of othering and homogenization that strips people of their individuality. But they get off on the "exoticism," as if they're hunting for a mantelpiece trophy, not trying to attract and get to know an actual, whole human being. You're not flattering me. You're flattening me, turning me into a convenient object molded to fit your pleasure. 

(I touch on this in my "Submission & the Model Minority" post). Asian women don't fit neatly into your subservient, meek, self-sacrificing Madame Butterfly box. We are envisioned as both hypersexualized and infantilized, stripped of agency. Their projections only further reinforce racist stereotypes and oppressive ways of "relating."

Many of these people would bristle and act flabbergasted if you called them out on their racism. They are not allies.

Beware the reductionists and fixators, who just can't seem to stop themselves from bringing up your race.

Beware the white saviors, the "good ones," who believe you need them to be a whole person.

Beware the gaslighters, who claim you should be grateful for the attention.

Further reading:

"Why Yellow Fever is Different From Having a 'Type'" (The Bold Italic)

"Yellow Fever, Asian Fetishes, and Sexual Violence" (Japanese American Citizens League, Medium)

"Why Yellow Fever Isn't Flattering: A Case Against Racial Fetishes" (Robin Zheng)