Hot Take? Veto Power is About Control
Hopefully this helps some folks reconsider veto power.
Hot take? If you and a partner are "ready" to jump into polyamory but one of your agreements is the ability to veto metamours... then you're probably not ready to practice polyamory yet.
Veto is about control. It does not come from a place of trust.
Honestly, this take isn't that hot. But also I'm just so tired of strict hierarchical non-monogamy. It’s monogamy with extra steps. We see so much collateral damage in the form of "secondaries" being left in the dirt because of couples who don't trust one another and can't communicate for shit.
What veto is in non-monogamy:
telling a partner that they can't date another partner anymore
a belief that there are relationships/people out there who are disposable
What isn't veto power:
expressing concerns to a partner (e.g. meta is displaying abusive behaviors)
having preferences around who you personally want/don't want to hang out with
realizing non-monogamy isn't for you and needing to deescalate/transition the relationship
Further reading:
So, somebody called you a Unicorn Hunter? | Unicorns-R-Us
Couple privilege: Your thoughts? | SoloPoly.net
Veto Power | Ready For Polyamory
Deconstructing Jealousy [Podcast] | Multiamory
