Oh boy. If only I had a time machine. Advice I'd give Baby Polyam Michelle…

The quiet, mundane moments in polyamory are sorely underrated.

Yes, the big wide world of sluttiness is oodles of fun. Orgies are groovy. Sex clubs are grand. But there's something in the seemingly unremarkable moments that actually feel the most remarkable.

"Intersectionality is a lens through which you can see where power comes and collides, where it interlocks and intersects. It’s not simply that there’s a race problem here, a gender problem here, and a class or LBGTQ problem there. Many times that framework erases what happens to people who are subject to all of these things."

- "Kimberlé Crenshaw on Intersectionality, More than Two Decades Later," Columbia Law School, 2017

“Sex is great, but have you ever committed to dismantling the relationship escalator and felt liberated to pursue deep emotional connections with more than one person at a time?”

There are so, so many ways to practice non-monogamy - and so many labels out there to help describe what you practice.

Labels can be extremely valuable tools for figuring out who you are and what you like or don't like. However, non-monogamy is a wide spectrum, so discrete labels don't always fit every structure or dynamic neatly. It's always good to clarify rather than assume.

Non-monogamy definitions you may encounter in the wild…

Exotic. Obedient. Weak. Non-threatening. Submissive.

Today, I'm examining my relationship between my asian identity and my kink identity.

"I've never been with an asian before lol”

"I've always wanted to be with an asian"

"Hey asian cutie, you into white guys?"

"Are you into race play?"

"Relationship anarchy is not about never committing to anything - it’s about designing your own commitments with the people around you, and freeing them from norms dictating that certain types of commitments are a requirement for love to be real, or that some commitments like raising children or moving in together have to be driven by certain kinds of feelings."

From "The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy" (2006) by Andie Nordgren

"So there's body positivity, where you should feel good about your body. And then there's a lot of messaging out there that says you should have negative feelings about your body - tied into white supremacy, capitalism, patriarchy. But what if... you felt neutral about your body?"

"But it's different because you're poly and I'm monogamous" - a friend (monogamous).

It's wild how engrained this idea of having to spend all your time with your partner is.